There I am, watching my kid's mouths moving, entirely ignoring the context of their conversation as I mindlessly wait for their noise to stop as that is my signal it is TIME! to show off my new found Coolio.
Eventually they pause for breath and despite over a decade of failed previous attempts, I wade fearlessly in.
"Guys!" I say nonchalantly, "did you see...?" Fill in the blank here for anything that is even the teensiest bit topical. The funniest skit on SNL, some running gag on Parks and Recreation, some dumb thing anybody remotely famous said, a specific phone app, viral video, whatever. It matters not.
What does matter is that, whatever IT is I find? I am never the first to find it. Not. Ever. Despite the fact I am up hours before either of my offspring blinks on any given day, despite the fact I am unencumbered by school or work either one, despite the fact I spend as much time tethered to a computer screen (willingly!) as both of them combined?
I am incapable of finding/reading/watching or listening to anything substantial before one, or more typically, both my kids get wind of it.
Being the last one to every party gets old. I simply did not previously recognize being the last one to every party means I am old. My own personal self.
Apparently being the constant straggler is merely another inevitable indignity coming as part of the package deal along with attendant loss of hair color, bone mass, hearing and visual acuity. Never knowing anything ahead of my children is not the ongoing outcome of failing to set some "advanced" system preference I've yet to discover, it is more that my system doesn't even run whatever program the correct preference to select would feature.
Consolation? Well, there is always this: